You know it’s the ‘festive season’ when the entire female half of the office leaves to queue outside a dodgy ‘art space’ in Hackney for a leftover piece of Christopher Kane chow mein. (Today at 5pm)

To avoid ending up hobbling to the Whitechapel walk-in centre, it is highly advised you bring one of each of the following:
1. A knife
2. A cycling hockey helmet
3. A map of the sale locations (some of them are weird, Cooperative Designs at Darnley Rd? Emma Cook at Shacklewell?)
4. A dummy Chanel 2.55 – to throw across the room as a distraction to those hungry, hungry dogs
5. Your elbows (in case you decided to leave them at home today)

Bring it, lady.